Jenny's Trek Down Under

How do you adequately describe the sensation of standing on a deserted beach lined with coral, white sands and the lush vegetation of the rainforests surrounding. Spent a morning giving into the laziness of a sunny day that seems to have drained all of my energy and left me on the verge of continual collapse. A morning spent walking to Cow Bay gently falling into the bosom of the rainforest in a bed of mother nature, off the beaten path, vines securing me in their embrace. Dozing in and out of consciousness with the primal sounds of nature abounding--the mating calls of exotic birds, the scuffling of leaves and twigs under the weight of birds, wild pigs and human size rats--the state of being where I feel if I rise too fast I will black out, my mind operating at a foreign pace of snail like speed--every sound taking what feels like an eternity to register, but for the most part my mind remains blank. Barely mustering the strength to break this lazy sleep I walk back to the beach and make my way to two smaller beaches--again deserted. Climbing over a few boulders here and there. The sky still cloudy, but the heat of the sun starting to break through. the calming lull of the water crashing, crashing gently, almost crawling ashore the sandy beach. I find a rock that seems to have been carved just to fit the natural curves of my body. I let my body curl up into the ridges of the rock, my mind again empty. I fall asleep and awake abruptly as a result of the intense heat beating down on my body. I make my way to the water, letting the waves crash against my legs as the water seems to pull both sand and rock from under my feet--yet I remain planted firm in my tracks. The sensation of being pulled in two directions feels oddly comfortable and relaxing especially with the water at that perfect temperature--not too hot not too cold.

My 8 day outback experience began with a full on 4wd hardcore safari style jeep picking me up outside my hostel where I was greeted by the Bounty hunter himself...well that is if the bounty hunter was a 40 something brown hair mullet toting harley davidson obsessed motorcycle junkie name Sauce...yes sauce as in barbeque, tomato and the Ozzie favorite Sweet Chilli. Sauce had this way of talking to you where everything came out with some sort sort of sexual innuendo--like he could tell you about his mom dying of cancer yet make your skin crawl at the same time with his constant winking and bobbling of the head--very much the Quagmire of Family Guy...mixed with a bit of Matthew McCaunaughey's character in 'Dazed and Confused.' From the get go Sauce wouldn't tell us his real name and liked to live in the land of mystery--only revealing the occasional crazy past tour stories...that's when I started to realize it's not so much that he was secretive, but really the life of a tour guide is his tours...there is no distinction between his social life and his job--the hours are relentless with him averaging about 10 days off in 6 months. Anyways I'm too lazy to really describe my Oz experience of the last 11 days, but a quick recap as follows:
1. Driving in complete emptiness--we're talking red desert for hundreds of kilometers without seeing a single soul in sight, with no roads carving our path, being forced to forge our own way against the untamed forces of the great outback. Then out of nowhere happening upon random little pubs in small towns of about 8 imbred people that all want to be your best friend for the night.
2. Playing 8 ball into the wee hours of the night, kicking back a few Pure Blondes and paying our civic duty to the local pub by leaving behind IDs, clothing items or shoes to hang on the wall.
3. Sleeping in swags which are basically like freezer bags that you zip your sleeping bags in...but imagine it being about 28/26 degrees farenheight...sleeping in a sleeping bag that has a hole in the foot of it...how you might ask? it's called sleeping in your car for 2 months and kicking the pedals in your sleep...so yeah a sleeping bag with a hole in a swag...creates many a sleepless nights...but when I tell you the stars were unreal--there are just no words. Being able to sleep under the stars, falling asleep to shooting stars, full moons and the outline of mountains under the night sky...oh and the horrible snoring of numerous members of my group...well truely unforgettable.
4. The french couple who were utterly convinced that all Americans are in gangs...and so to be fair I played along--they even went so far to ask if I had to beat people up to gain entry into the gang...and that's when my story about fleeing the country for 6 months began to unravel...let's just say with the story I painted I'm basically the Godfather of the burbs.
5. Sleeping underground at Cooper Pedy and spending the afternoon noodling for opals in a big mine only to leave with many a shiny rock to add to my ever growing exciting NZ rock collection--no opals struck this time.
6. Climbing Ayres rock...okay so I know it's kind of sacreligious and I probably will have bad luck for the rest of my life...but it was a once and a lifetime opportunity and I don't regret my decision. Climbing up the face of the biggest monolith against a piercing blue sky, hot desert sun and a crazy Dutchie constantly trying to lead me off the side of the rock to my death below...and those damn ADD kids running up the rock nearly knocking me off time and time again.
7. Climbing Mt. Olsen in the Flinders Range an hour before the rest of my group...spending the early hours watching the sun come up 'meditating' on a rock...only to discover I had spent this reflective period sitting on a rock inscribed with the poetic words 'billy J and Kristin did it here'...no wonder it felt so spiritual...I'd even go as far as to describe it as biblical at that spot.
8. Being dared to jump into a 50meter deep pool of near glacial freezing water in all my clothes to swim to a a massive waterfall hidden behind the rocks--it was the kind of swim where your breath becomes shallow as you fight the plunging temperatures, but the feeling of standing against the rocks, underneath a powerful waterfall staring straight up into neverending rocky cliffs and blue skies...again memorable.
9. A crazy man named Talc Alf who lives literally in the middle of nowhere...with his nearest neighbor a good 250km away...spending an afternoon describing to us his theories on language and the universe...to be all honest I zoned out the minute he described the letter M as forming from women's breasts...because an M resembles a woman's chest...hence why 'm' is also the first letter of mother...yeah so he was a bit eccentric and looked like Kris Kringle meets the owner of Jurassic Park...the most exciting thing was the dingo that lurked on his property...oh and his insightful revelation that my name meant 'journey to a place to settle'...deep stuff no?
10. Roger...he is my favoritist old man to date...honestly I hate to admit it but he was like my little puppet...I said dance he said fox trot or waltz...I said make music and the man beat his hands across the bench...okay so yeah he was almost 70, but he was so quirky and honestly reminded me of the sunbaked woman from 'there's something about mary'...the man was on speed and could not read social situations at all...but alas he was wonderful.
11. Getting picked up by some random person in Alice Springs on their harley and spending the afternoon with the wind in my hair, the pedal to the metal and holding onto dear life as we navigated our way through the sunkissed baren landscape.
12. Crocodile Safari...between the crocodiles, buffalos, wild camels, kangaroos and wallabees...it felt straight out of Africa.
13. The regular questioning as to whether I in fact knew the legendary Elvis...being that I'm from Maryland...because of course Maryland sounds like Graceland...and by kevin bacon's six degrees of separation logic...well, Elvis and I are practically married.
14. Catching numerous breathtaking sunrises and sunsets
15. Regularly meeting the type of people that refuel your energy, charge it and bring out the best in you--the type fo people that make any type of chemical high pale in comparison the natural highs you experience in their presence
...these are just a few...emphasis on few memories of the last 11 days...10 more days and I'm home...so hard to believe...at 4am...so like 6 hours I fly to Cairnes...where I will make my way to the great barrier reef, do some diving, then head to the rainforests of cape tribulation, might do a quick sailing trip in the WhiteSundays then head to the blue mountains and finish off in Sydney before heading home....miss and love you all and glad to hear your home safe and sound mom and dad!

After a two day tour of Kangaroo Island I had gotten to the point where seeing a kangaroo was just as exciting as finding a starbucks in a busy town centre--jaded... maybe just a bit--the same goes for seals. My tour guide was a really friendly 40 something year old, sun bleached she-man (difficult to tell at times...whether girl/guy) beer gut sporting Kangaroo Island native. All I can really say is Alcoholics Anonymous--her first words as she greeted us were I'm still hungover and I work in a vineyard when I'm not giving tours. I think I learned more about local brewing practices and which pubs on the sparsely populated island had the cheapest drinks then I did about well, the bush and the mammals. But alas I had a good time and got on really well with her and the others--finding once again that humor is the best breaker of tension--and that people can be way too serious at times--so again as long as your willing to be a little fiesty, poke some fun at yourself and be in the moment--the others will follow--just like 'field of dreams.'

There are no words to recount my first tour--except that it left a lasting impression on me--and for well, frankly anyone who comes into contact with my guide Bill. Bill, such a respectable normal name...who would have thought...wait who are we kidding the first thing I think of when I hear the name Bill is sex fiend--in this case again another Bill follows in the footsteps of our past president. I was greeted by an overly enthusiastic 65+ Mr. Magoo lookalike--claiming to be my tour guide for the day. Seeing as this was my first real tour I expected everyone to high five me as I made my way down the aisle of the bus, cheering me on and brimming with excitement over the amazing scenery we would see and the lifelong friendships that would form--okay so maybe I watch a bit too much Disney Channel because my bus was about 12 people 9 of which didn't speak a lick of English and the other 3 were so hungover that unless I was a pint of Tui I wasn't going to be making any real impression on them during those presunrise hours. So, alas I was forced to take the front seat of the bus...the one smack down right next to Bill.
The tour was two days and left from Melbourne, spent a night in the Grampians (a mountain range) and then the next day ended in Adelaide. The first day we made our way along the Great Ocean Road--which supposedly took 15 years of long days and shitty weather to construct. The road wraps around the coast offering up jaw dropping views of the coastline, endless blue waters and dazzling sandy beaches. Right off the bat I was impressed by the shear vastness of this country in comparison to New Zealand--it really feels like the supersized version--even the sky seems endless--peering up at the clouds you feel like you are looking straight into the heavens. The weather could not have been any more spot on--with a gentle breeze, sun filled skies and the bluest of the blues contrasting with the fiery orangeness of the rocks. We made our way along the scenic drive stopping at the 12 apostles ( a rock formation,) the london bridge ( another rock formation that at one time looked like the famous bridge--but due to one night of adulterous passion and a rock slide the bridge no longer exists in it's original format) we did a bush walk in the rainforest where we took a moment to listen to the silence of the land--the kind of silence that can seem almost frightening because you know if there wasn't that slight trickle of rainwater dancing on the forest canopy there would be absolutely no noise penetrating the forest.
Throughout the course of the ride our leader tried to make joke after joke, but they all seemed to fall on deaf ears--so after awhile like any normal person he began to tell me about all the crazy sexual things that have happened on his tour bus...let me just say I'm a very open person and thought I had heard just about everything--but dear lord where is the holy water when you need it--my ears are still ringing with the tales of sex on that bus. If that wasn't enough he painted a stereotypical image of the aboriginals as lazy, obes alcoholics that are constantly seeking free handouts from the government--apparently in the northern territory in Australia alcoholism is such a problem for the natives that they are banned from buying alcohol up there. And the final icing on the cake was his kind offer from the heart...heart my ass to try and help me sort out any problems I may have or may have had in the past--in other words he offered me free counseling because he said he had turned many peoples lives around--bringing a heroin addict from the streets to a job...a job at McDonalds mind you. Okay I am very much skimming the surface here...but let's just say skeevy old man.
The next day was spent watching kangaroos frolick along a golf course, trying to spot the drug induced sleeping koala in the eucalyptus trees, going on a night hike guided by torch to spot kangaroos, baby joeys and wallabees during their waking hours.
The drunk people did talk finally and the non-english speaking well...we made out just fine with hand signals--all and all the people were really friendly and I learned an even greater appreciation for my mom and the work it takes to make sure people are having a good time and keeping people entertained even if it means taking the piss out of yourself once...or maybe a couple million times.
...okay two more tours to recount...this might take awhile...stay tuned. currently I'm in Katherine and will be doing a boat cruise and hike in the gorges tomorrow then taking a greyhound that night to Darwin where I will leave the following morning for a 3 day tour of kakadu and litchfield national park.