Jenny's Trek Down Under

This past week has been all about transition in the valley--after losing Owen, Rachel and Mike we were down to 3 volunteers, an overabundance of estrogen and that uneasy feeling that starts in your stomach, gets caught in your throat, silences your voice and leaves your jaw in a constant state of tenseness--as the anxiety and fear as to how things will change in valley life rears its ugly head. Saturday morning began with Dagmar informing us that she would be leaving at the end of March seeing as how she was pregnant. As my jaw dropped to the floor and the words of congratulations started to form at my lips...I picked up on the unnerving feeling that maybe those words weren't appropriate for the occasion and that letting her finish with what she had to say might prove to be the better idea. Although my curiousity did happen to get the best of me as I construed elaborate paternity stories in my head that it was in fact Jon's baby and that's why Mike abruptly left the valley or that maybe she had eyes for my Kevin and Paul...who knows.
It has been pretty evident from day one here that the future of the valley is anything but secure. It's funny sometimes I find myself walking through the orchards or old volunteer cottage at the base of the valley and can see at one time what life, excitement and energy this place used to exude, but now between the lack of volunteers and the uncomfortable tension between past lovers/co-owners Jon and Dagmar has slowly been drained.
Jon, the other founder of the valley program has been on hiatus ever since I arrived taking off on spiritual/emotional journeys every week or so to regroup and refocus his energy with regards to what direction he wants to take with his life and the valley. This would be the first time in 7 years that Jon has gotten away from the valley. So between an MIA Jon and a pregnant Dagmar the future of the valley seemed very much up in the air.
What further fueled my anxiety was the fact that I have yet to get a clear idea as to how many volunteers will be coming in may when I return from my travels. Because in early April Pippa will be leaving and Jen the other volunteer will most likely be departing at the end of april...so the idea of being here by myself with just Jon the 7 ft bearded man that pines after 21 year olds didn't really get me excited to say the least. Although rumor has it that 3 blokes will be arriving in early may.
On top of all that valley tension has been on the up and up with living and working in such close quarters with 3 other women starting to take its toll. Dagmar (whose emotions are already on hormonal overload between the pregnancy and her confusion about whether to stay in New Zealand or go back to Germany) and Pippa have been having daily spats and just sapping the energy right out of me. There is only so much third party mediation I can do. With loyalties to both I found myself sparking up exciting talks about the weather and weeds--basically any neutral topic I could think of as not to unleash the claws of either party involved.
But alas, yesterday afternoon things just got to their boiling point for me and although we had all been scheduled to go on a hike that afternoon everyone opted out except for me and Dagmar. The hike began really awkward and uncomfortable because I have been on guard ever since all the tension came up between her and pippa-- anyways midway through the hike i found myself just getting more and more emotional to the point where I just felt like I was going to breakdown so I encouraged her to finish the hike while I waited for her...long story short we ended up having a really deep talk about everything-- after that talk i found my spirits lifted and it was really just what i needed. i didn't realize just how disconnected i was from everything till after we talked...it was really refreshing and just what the doctor ordered for my soul.
So, although where these next couple of months will take me in my travels I can't say for sure, I can rest a little easier at night knowing that I have spoken my peace and that in the short term I have my exciting trip to the South Island to look forward to. Don't let this blog confuse you I am definitely enjoying myself, it's just this past week where all this stress arose.
Anyways this next week we will be heading to Rotorua for a day or two and later in the week will drive all along the north tip of the north island and hit up bay of islands and all the places along the way for a week long trip--involving plenty of beaching, some trekking, maybe horsebackriding and some dune surfing.